Online House Church Community

It seems months since all this has happened, the new job and the whirlwind of things to sign, money to hand out, fingerprints to be done, offices to wait in... and then a day of complete frustration followed by an answer.  

I have experienced some roadblocks that are preventing me from beginning my new job in Portland.  It is being held for me, there is no question, but I cannot begin even the basic orientation until such things are done.  Hospital policy.  Understood.  So another week of no work goes by, then another.  At this point, I am considering a temporary travel position North of Vancouver, but alas, my certification has lapsed during the conundrum and I cannot work in Labor and Delivery until it is renewed.  More $$$, please.  Doesn't God know I have none?  That we are late on bills, that our rent check bounced... again?  

Andrew is told he needs braces... for 3 years.  That'll be $$$.  I am told to come back in 5 weeks to have my lip biopsied for skin cancer and moles removed from my back and foot.  I have rosacea, easily treated with these 2 creams, this antibiotic, these topical remedies.  These prescriptions must be filled and started immediately.  They'll make you sick, no doubt.  Your face will peel.  Your lip will blister.  I already look like a meth addict, Lord, what next?  My insurance won't cover the meds, I have to travel to Vancouver to get them filled.  

I feel arrogant, a big loser.  Can I come back to work for 3 or 4 more weeks, even though I left 3 weeks ago?  We'll see, we'll see.  By the way, we need to talk about this case that's being reviewed by the unit. You were the primary nurse...

The pharmacy is on the phone with the Dr. for over 2 hours to clarify dosage.  Liam is so tired, so grumpy. We both need a nap.  It's been a long day of disappointment and fear.  I can hold it together for a few more hours, just to get Liam home. Do I have enough for this over the counter cream at least?  The computerized voice says, "hell no lady, you haven't been working for 3 weeks now."  I break down in the car.  It's time to give up. For today.  And watch Pride and Prejudice again, even just to remember that Elizabeth makes out like a BANDIT in the end, despite her mouth and inappropriateness and assumptions.    

It's a new day, it's sunny and clear and crisp and it smells like mulch and grass clippings and dampness. Spring is so close, renewal is so close.  A new season is so very very close.  Hurry up, I think as I jog (with a large hat on, of course) with Liam in the stroller and our old dog who refuses to poop unless it is the PERFECT place.  Hurry up, new season.  I need a change from this winter of discontent.  My old manager calls, they are doing some stuff to bring me back without the paperwork, without the whoo haa, without legality I might add, and they need me tonight!  Alas, I need to be recertified.  Do it Saturday, we need you bad.  This is good news.  This is income, though sporadic and unreliable, and for how long?  Who cares, who freaking cares.  It's good news.  

Grab hold, child, and let it pull you a bit farther from the dark cavern you have willingly descended into. Now start climbing. You have to fight again.  I made you strong.  I made you unwilling to give in.  I will provide, I always do.  Why to insist on forgetting that? New life will spark again, in more ways than one. Just be patient.  And breathe.